


Of black roses & bright green gardens

by VanishedGalaxy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Heavy Angst, M/M, Rape, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-15 01:40:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9213578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanishedGalaxy/pseuds/VanishedGalaxy
Summary: Minseok is thrown into a marriage and a life he doesn’t want, and the secrets behind his new husband’s mansion’s walls are kept well.And amongst all the dirt, he finds Luhan to be his only real comfort.





	1. Seed

**Author's Note:**

> (slight) Historical, Angst & Abuse filled fic that was requested at my request shop on AFF. Three parts and a wtf ending.

The birds outside sang for a new day beginning and Minseok was staring at the mirror in front of him. A man worked the last of his suit, carefully stretching the cloth so it wouldn’t appear any creases. The man placed a small white napkin in his left chest pocket, fixing the silk beautifully. Minseok wasn’t sure how much his pay was but he surely had a keen eye for detail work.

“You’re ready, sir.” The man glanced him over, circling once around him and Minseok felt almost exposed under his strict stare. “You may go. It’s time already,” the man added with a quick look at his wrist watch.

Despite the mess in his head, Minseok thanked the man for his work and bowed his head before leaving the room. It was the last time he was in that room— _his_ room. He’d grown up in that bedroom since three years old. It had been a haven for him for twenty whole years. Now it was time to say goodbye to that as well.

He took his time walking down the halls as if he wanted to scribble down the paths in his mind for the last time. All the pots of green exotic flowers, all the paintings hanging on the walls—he wanted to memorize every single detail before he left his parents’ house forever.

It wasn’t his choice to marry.

Of course he’d always wanted to marry once he was of age. Move out of his childhood house and into another, where he would be able to raise a family with his significant other. Maybe even have a huge garden for when he’d be too old to work and would have free time. A huge house that’d be big enough for his family to visit and his grandchildren to sleep over.

It’d be nice, spending your whole life with someone you loved.

But here comes the red carpet and Minseok is frozen, because he’d always been wishing for this moment but never himself in such situation. The man at the altar was old, past forties at least. He was unknown to him apart from the things he’d heard about him.

The man was Ryon Jitae, a man of status amongst the whole region. His family name was known across the country as they had a very successful car company. As far as Minseok knew, he also had two sons and considering their age gap, he was sure they were all older than him.

He knew marrying was the right choice for his family but the pitied glances directed at him as he walked down the red carpet made his footing falter. All those rumors traveling around the community about how unfaithful and abusive the old man was rushed in his head. Stories of both physical and psychological abuse surrounded the man wherever you told his name. There was also a rumor going about how his previous and third wife had hung herself for those same reasons. Let alone that the man proudly strode past midnight each night with a different woman under his arm, intoxicated from expensive and high-class booze. He had no shame and surely no regrets for his actions.

But Minseok’s parents insisted he would be fine. He’d have a happy life with such an economically steady presence by his side. In fact, they said he’d thrive with the man due to the status he’d gain only by connecting himself with him through this marriage.

The glances he got told of an entirely different story, however.

The distance got only shorter and Minseok stood in front of a tall man with graying hair. He wore an expensive-looking charcoal suit, nicely fitting his already lanky figure. However the case, Minseok was scared of what was beneath it and he was more than worried about their first night together. If he hadn’t been holding on the bouquet, he was sure he’d collapse then and there from anxiety.

The whole ceremony was a blur for him. He’d totally blacked out since the first words to leave the pastor’s mouth. His wide eyes couldn’t leave the face of the man standing in front of him. He almost looked fake, almost as if he was wearing a mask to hide something—what it was, Minseok wasn’t sure of. But at the same time, he was afraid to find out.

He had to be pinched by the man standing behind him to voice his vows and the fatal “I do”.

Everything finished as quickly as it’d began and Minseok found himself thanking the guests for attending the wedding and accepting half-hearted congratulations and wishes of a happy life together. But Minseok could see it in their eyes, the pity, the worry, the relief that it was him and not another poor woman. It was all there to remind him that all of this was as fake as it could get, to remind him that this was entirely different to what he’d been dreaming since a young child.

Everyone moved to sit in the numerous tables stacked across the big backyard. Butlers and waiters walked amongst them to offer glasses of alcohol and small bites of starters. People were chatting happily and Minseok watched them from his husband’s side.

Truthfully, he felt too uncomfortable sitting there with nothing good to say. He just wanted everything to end. Somewhere from his side he heard his father go on and on about the future of their company to Jitae who seemed to be half-engaged in the conversation. Minseok had no one to talk to and even if that should have left him content, he was restless.

Today marked the last of his life back at his home.

And tonight would mark a new start he was not ready for yet.

***

It was a month later that Minseok met his husband’s sons.

The dinner table in front of him was full of perfectly made dishes that smelled and looked delicious. Everything arranged so beautifully, numerous silver spoons and forks aligned next to expensive sets of plates. As he was led inside the room by the household’s butler, he found three men and a woman standing, of which he recognized only his husband.

Kris, the tall young man standing by the side of a woman was the eldest son, as Jitea told him. He was his heir that’d take over all of his business matters once he could no more. He’d just come from Japan and China where he’d talked with men of status about expanding their company some more. He wore expensive suits and stood with a straight, proud back. His eyes were piercingly cold but Minseok would later find out he was much warmer than he looked.

By his side stood a tall woman wearing a beautiful dress with her hands clasped in front of her. She was the only daughter of a businessman much like Jitae. They’d made an agreement of arranging a marriage of them two to join their companies. Minseok thought she was forced into it like him but he found a spark of real love in her eyes when she as much as gazed Kris’ direction. He assumed she was probably better off than him, in the end.

Last was the second son, Luhan, a young man with bronze hair and a handsome face like his brother’s. He was also casted in designer clothing but his eyes were unreadable to Minseok. He’d come from the distant West after a long trip to numerous, other cultured countries. However, he wore an expressionless face that made Minseok wonder if it was a sense of self-defense or if it was really his character that was so mysterious.

He was placed to sit between his husband and the woman, whose name was foreign and he hadn’t really caught it the first time he was introduced to her. The dinner started quietly and for the most part, Minseok enjoyed the silence. He wasn’t sure how he felt about being the youngest present, so he avoided speaking up in case his words unsettled or offended anyone. Let alone that he felt like an outsider. It was obvious he was the new face in this family and he didn’t want to risk any bad first impressions to people who held more power in their hands compared to him.

“So what news do you have from China, Kris?” Jitae asked as he cut into the steak and Minseok momentarily raised his head only to lower it back down when Luhan send him a strong stare.

“They are not that willing to cooperate, father.” Kris’ voice was deep, sure of his words. “I am planning on meeting up with them sometime in the short future in hopes of changing their minds.”

“And Japan?”

“They agreed but their contract has some questionable terms I want you to review after dinner.”

“That’s good,” Jitae concluded. Then, he addressed his younger son. “Luhan, what about you? How is Europe?”

“Beautiful, advanced, entirely industrial. They have already a fare share of their own local companies but they are interested in foreigners, especially importing different kinds of technologies and spices. They are also pretty interested in our cultures so I invited some businessmen over if they want to take a look for themselves.” Luhan’s voice was less deep than Kris’, still coated with traces of early adulthood. Minseok stole a glance of him in interest.

“Very good news then!” Jitae smiled slightly. “When are you going to find a woman to marry? You’re already old enough and your brother’s wedding is planned next month. You know you should settle down before you reach twenty-five.”

The atmosphere suddenly became tense and Minseok heard a fork scratch a plate a bit too forcefully. He stole another glance and found Luhan sending a mild glare at his father.

“I am well aware of that, father. I will settle down when I will be able to settle down.”

“You have a year left, Luhan.” Jitae glared back, growing the tension some more. The woman by Minseok’s side slowed down in her movements, almost as if anticipating something she was afraid of. “Make it quick.”

A moment of staring passed and in the end, it was Luhan who broke the eye-contact and looked down at his plate without an answer. Jitae was not pleased to say the least. But the response he was probably waiting to hear didn’t come either way. So he cleared his throat and changed the subject.

“Minseok is my new husband. I expect you to respect him and treat him nicely.”

Now, it was Minseok who froze in action and looked up to meet eight eyes on him. He wouldn’t lie, he felt uncomfortable under their judging eyes. He didn’t make a sound and somehow, Jitae didn’t care enough about it.

The dinner lasted a little less than an hour when Kris and Jitae excused themselves and walked off to the latter’s office, taking the tension with them. Luhan and the woman started a conversation and talked for a while before excusing themselves as well and left to the living room. It was then that Minseok fully raised his head and looked ahead of himself.

He couldn’t really understand why he felt so unwelcomed but he didn’t let that thought evolve further in his mind. He was just glad he’d gone through it without voicing a word.

He knew he’d just have to get used to this for the next month until the marriage happened and everyone scattered. He’d be left alone again and he just yearned for that even more so now that everything pointed at him being an unwanted guest.

Minseok leaned against the back of the chair, eyes starting to become wet at the edges. He’d just have to endure this, he’d just have to endure everything from now on.

His say in any matter would fall on deaf ears anyways.

***

It was early in the morning when Minseok’s eyes snapped open. He’d be lying if it was the first time since he moved into this mansion.

Nothing felt familiar yet. It all was so much different compared to what he’d gotten used to until then. It felt wrong.

He would turn and twist under the sheets and end up staring at the ceiling. Their bedroom was located somewhere at the far end of the mansion, the windows looking over the big garden beneath. It was times like these, when his husband would have already left for work and he’d be the only one there, locked up along with a couple servants and the household’s butler.

That morning, however, he felt restless. Realization hit him again at the sight of his husband’s sons. The thought that he was the third marriage the man was going through, and the fact he was younger than all of his sons were digging at his skull.

It was a thick and heavy brick, that of the reality.

Minseok pulled himself up very slowly, almost as if foreign weight pushed him downwards. He shuffled his feet towards the huge window and looked outside at the rising sun. The dawn was always so pretty and being a night-owl, he was never up to witness it. In fact, he’d seen it more times the past month than he’d done all of his life up until then. Sun light slowly coated the hills of green, coloring everything brighter compared to the dull blue it was before. It was when it started to touch the garden’s fence that Minseok lowered his eyes and found a man standing by the fountain.

He couldn’t see yet the face but Minseok knew it wasn’t a servant for the white shirt he wore looked too fancy. Of course the man had raised his sleeves to his forearm but it still seemed strange. It was when the light finally lit the man’s head that Minseok noticed the auburn color of his hair and managed to put a name on the unknown figure.

Deciding that staying in his bedroom made no sense if he wasn’t going to sleep, he quickly changed into his day’s attire and slipped into the hall. The walk to the porch downstairs was silent. Everyone seemed to be somewhere doing something and no one bothered him. Reaching the long and wide glass doors, Minseok pulled them apart and stepped on the wooden floor of the balcony. From there, a trail lead right to the center of the garden and its fountain.

“What are you doing up so early?”

Minseok kept his silence for a while, eyeing the dirt on the man’s hands. A bit farther were a couple small holes in the soil and thrown by them were small pockets with flower prints.

“I should be the one asking you that.” His eyes fell on the man. He was handsome even dirtied like that. “What are you doing?”

Luhan let a small smile, almost that of amusement or of surprise—Minseok couldn’t really read him that well. Then, with a swift move, he brought his hand out, opening his fist and presenting some small seeds to Minseok.

“Gardening.”

Minseok stepped a bit closer, eyeing the holes once again. “Is this your hobby?”

“No way,” Luhan huffed, shaking his head. “I bought these on my trip in Turkey and I was told they could be grown here as well.” At the questioning look the other showed him, he explained; “Black roses. They are rare and kept within the borders of Turkey as their small secret beauty. But I was given some from a friend and thought to share some of this here in Korea as well.”

“Black roses?” Minseok almost exclaimed. He’d never seen one before. In fact, he didn’t even know such flowers existed. The image his mind popped for him was very pretty and he was already eager to witness them firsthand.

“Yes, they are so pretty.” Luhan bent slightly and threw the seeds in one of the holes he’d created prior. “They symbolize so many different things but my favorite is of death.”

“That is… kind of depressing,” Minseok muttered and Luhan almost chuckled.

“No, not of actual death.” He tore another pocket and filled another hole. “Metaphorical death. That death you have to go through when there’s a huge change going on around you or in your life. The one that you change and become a new person, the one you get rid of your weaknesses and build yourself up from the start, all over again. Kind of like a reset you have to go through, sometimes.”

And he’d fill the rest of the holes too. And cover them up with some more dirt.

And Minseok was intrigued enough to watch over the seeds from his bedroom window until they bloomed.

***

It had all come down to that moment.

It was the first time he hit him.

The hour was well past midnight when the bedroom door flew open and startled Minseok awake. There, at the door, stood a tall figure with matted hair and a messy suit, holding onto a bottle of alcohol. The whole room suddenly stunk of sex and booze and Minseok felt his fear clench on his chest as the figure came closer towards him.

It was the first slap that woke him up and alerted him. It was a moment of silence after. And somehow, that was only the quiet before the storm.

Minseok had never felt this ridiculed, this vulnerable. Maybe it was his weak self, maybe it was that he had no guts to fight back, maybe it was the voice inside his head saying that he should bear it and it’d end soon. But that soon was so far away and he’d only realized it when he was laying on the floor, face and head throbbing from pain and mind so dizzy. He felt like he was swooning back and forth in his consciousness until a kick in his stomach brought him back to reality.

He couldn’t escape it. His bloodied lips whispered of both prayers and mercy.

But the man had no plans on stopping and instead fought his arms and placed them over Minseok’s head against the wooden floor, before kneeling over him. It was when his night clothing was torn from his body that Minseok whimpered and felt even more exposed, ridiculed, and so, _so_ weak.

His throat had turned sore from the yells yet no one came for his rescue. No servants showed up, not the butler, not even either of Jitae’s sons. No one came for him and Minseok had never felt more alone in his life until then. He knew his yells would reach them, yet no one helped. He knew his pain would echo against all of the walls down the hall, but the door was open for no one to come in. It was only there to share Minseok’s pain with the silent residents of the mansion.

The next morning was different, painted in red and humiliation. Jitae had already left to somewhere before dawn. Minseok felt his form move off the bed and heard him dress up. And then he was gone to who knew where.

Xiumin’s whole mind was in overdrive, a ton of worry and anger and pain in his chest. His eyes were red from the lack of sleep because, as many times as he had tried to fall asleep the previous night, he would just end up crying. He wasn’t sure if he was quiet or not, and even if he wasn’t, his husband didn’t show any sign he’d heard him or was worried in any way. Once he’d finished everything, he’d fallen asleep. Leaving Minseok alone in the darkness.

It was well past noon when someone knocked on the bedroom door. Minseok didn’t hear it and almost jumped out of his skin when he found a terrified servant standing in front of him. She was frozen in place, not knowing what to do and how to fix everything but Minseok already knew that whatever had happened, was already unfixable. There was nothing that could change the hurt inside him, nothing that could pull the worthlessness and self-hatred out of him.

It was there and it’d stay.

The servant slowly stretched her hands out to help Minseok into a sitting position. She let a small whimper out of shock when she saw the patches of blood on the sheets and the purple marks on his skin. It was obvious she felt bad for voicing her terror—Minseok didn’t mind it. There was nothing worse than what had already happened. Whatever came from then on, he would take it. Unwillingly, but it was less scary now that he’d been through it already.

In a sense, it didn’t scare him anymore. He was alone anyways, there was nowhere he could escape to. He would just have to pretend everything’s alright to the outside world.

Little did he know that it was just the beginning.

***

The whole room was huge, nicely decorated, fancy.

Minseok had gotten used to such events, posing for competitors, talking with like-minded people, eating expensive treats and drinking champagne out of crystal glasses. He’d been born amongst it all, he’d been part of this culture since a baby.

It was yet another event that Minseok was dressed in designer suit and was aware of his manners. Even more so now that his husband’s arm was passed around his waist. It’d been a while since he was in the presence of a lot of people who stared at him. He was sure that there were still a lot of worried, pitied glances directed at him but he managed to avoid each of them—he wasn’t there to disprove any rumors, nor was he there to ask for help.

Whatever he was in, he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape.

Somewhere down the hall stood Kris, guiding his fiancé to a company of men he wanted her to meet. She was breath-taking, such a stunning beauty and so young. Minseok couldn’t but be jealous of their relationship. He’d always dreamed himself in their shoes but life had other plans and thus, he stood amongst people he didn’t know, being introduced as the fourth marriage of a cruel man.

“I heard the Kim family has established a great marketing company,” a man voiced, amused eyes on Minseok. Minseok nodded his head, forced a smile, and let his husband do the talking. He’d been specifically instructed to keep his mouth shut unless asked otherwise by his husband. And sealed lips he had.

“Of course they have!” Jitae answered beside him. “And we’re only planning to make it even better in the next few years.”

And Minseok let everything muffle into the background jazz music. He wasn’t allowed to do much, he was only there to look pretty. A doll his husband showed off. He knew that when this event would be over, they’d return home and who knew what would happen from then on. His guts told of a horrible night but threw those thoughts at the back of his head. He had to keep his head high, his eyes cold, his mouth closed.

At some point Jitae let go and mixed in the blur of the numerous people who had attended, and Minseok took that chance to walk outside. The chill air hit him like a brick, almost reminding him that the night would soon come to an end, as much as he despised it. A few stairs led him down to the backyard where a big garden spread for tens of meters ahead. He wasn’t really sure what he was looking for there, but he found it calming enough for him to comfortably breathe.

“Shouldn’t you be inside?”

Minseok turned his head in fright, only to find the familiar bronze haired Luhan approaching him. “I should be asking the same. Don’t you have anyone you should meet?”

Luhan shrugged his shoulders. His suit was dark, almost black under the night. In a sense, it suited him perfectly, especially with his fiery hair styled back. His eyes were piercing, almost inspecting every inch of Minseok’s body, and it made him slightly uncomfortable.

“You know, when I was young, my parents fought a lot.” Minseok frowned a bit, surprised that the other suddenly started telling him that. But before he could respond, the other continued. “It was bad. _Very_ bad, actually. You see, my father was never one to actually settle down. He was never one to have marriage stop anything he liked to do. He was like that, always have been. Unlike what most think, he’s not a hurt man turned into this mess he is. That’s how he’d always been.”

“Why are you telling me this, Luhan?”

Luhan shrugged once more, standing next to him. “I just want you to know that it’s not your fault. Nothing is. It’s _he_ who has the problem.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Minseok faced away, acting as if the garden was much more interesting than what Luhan had to say. But the only thing he heard as a response was the footsteps that indicated Luhan was leaving.

Luhan knew how to mess him up. And it angered Minseok to a degree.

That night it was what he’d tried to convince himself—that it truly wasn’t his fault.

But everything started with “didn’t I tell you not to talk?” and ended with “I should probably fuck you up because you didn’t keep your pretty mouth shut”. Somewhere between the bruising and the fighting and the giving up, Luhan’s words stopped echoing in his head. It was only a familiar buzz of pain and self-hatred.

All drawn across his naked form, left for only his husband to see.

***

Minseok was quite hesitant. The mansion spread in front of him but he suddenly didn’t have the guts to enter through the huge door and greet his parents. In fact, he didn’t think he had any confidence left in him. Pretence was a game he’d been playing for a long while already and he’d be lying if he said he’d not gotten tired of it. It was all a replay, every single day, and he was sure it wouldn’t change that night either, whatever he tried to avoid it and however he tried to lessen it.

The black car that brought him here was parked at the side of the front yard, just next to his father’s. The driver was there, waiting for him to come back after the two hours he was allowed to visit his parents. He wouldn’t go until Minseok returned—that was Jitae’s order.

Kind of a nanny Minseok never asked for.

He finally raised his hand and rang the bell, and the door was quick to be opened for him when he answered who he was. The face of his family’s butler was too familiar and it stung Minseok deep in his insides. He was allowed in, guided by the butler despite knowing where to go. He’d called the previous night and had informed his father of his next day’s little visit. So his parents had arranged a nice dinner at the dining room.

His mother was the first to greet and hug him, kiss him on his forehead with a smile he was afraid of breaking. His father was more distant but greeted him warmly nonetheless.

“How is living in a big mansion with your husband, Minseok?” asked his mother. Servants were standing by the door in case they were needed and the butler poured some wine as they started eating their dinner.

“It’s alright,” Minseok answered lightly and his mother smiled to hear more, so he just went with it to make her happy. “It’s pretty big and the staff there is very helpful. There’s also a huge garden at the back where I like to spend my time. The flowers are so beautiful.”

“I’m glad you’ve settled down. I knew that all those rumors were child’s play.” His mother waved it off and Minseok judged her pleased enough with his reply. “I heard his sons are back from their trips as well.”

“Yes, they are. They are currently living with us until the eldest son’s wedding.”

“That’s so sweet to hear, darling! When is it?”

“Sometime next month. After that, he’ll move into his house with his wife.”

“See? Everyone has their little happy ending, Minseok.”

The words somehow stung Minseok but he didn’t react. He much preferred it if everything went unknown, unnoticed by people beyond that mansion’s walls. He’d just have to hide it and not let anything slip.

After some point, and due to himself feeling awkward, the dinner became silent. After Minseok’s news of his new life and the doings of the family’s business, conversation slowly died. Minseok, of course, was relieved when the butler informed him about the driver who was waiting for him at the front door. Mostly because it meant he could return back home and stop this game of pretence. But leaving his parents’ home was also painful, now fully aware that his visits from now on will be like this; quick dinners once in a long while just to catch up on each other. All depending on when and if Jitae would allow him.

“Thank you for visiting, my dear Min-min!” his mother exclaimed as she hugged him by the front door. “Do come again once you can. Don’t forget about us now that your life’s easy!” Minseok knew she was joking and teasing, but he only mentally grimaced. They didn’t know, and they wouldn’t know, how his previous life was so much easier compared to whatever he’d stepped into.

“Of course, mother,” Minseok hugged her back, voice low. “I’ll come again once I can.”

With another forced smile and a light pat on his back from his father, Minseok stepped out of the mansion and after the driver. It wasn’t until he sat in the backseat and shut the door behind him that tears started falling from his eyes. As the car slowly drove away from the residence, Minseok couldn’t but look as his home became smaller with the seconds and cry.

The ride was as quiet as it could be, Minseok sobbing silently while the driver didn’t as much as glance at him.

It felt as if his insides were torn out of his body, and Minseok couldn’t but let him mind wander back to when he was a mere child.


	2. Bloom

The next time Minseok faced Luhan, he tried to ignore him.

Luhan’s words were still echoing in his head from the last time they’d talked and Minseok would prefer it if he could avoid any topic or even word exchange with him. He didn’t want anyone to make him question his situation, he didn’t want anyone to mix in his horrible state, his life. He’d long ago accepted that there’d be no way out.

And if there was, it’d be the darkest path Minseok would ever have to walk down.

However, it seemed opinions were not mutual and as soon as Minseok found Luhan sitting in the living room over a book as he stepped down the stairs, his attention fell on him. Minseok, having nothing to do, walked outside the back and into the garden just for the sake of calming his mind. The green scene helped him relax, forget a bit. And gave him the solitude he was so in need of.

“Minseok?” Minseok heard behind him but he didn’t turn. He already knew it was Luhan who was stepping closer and closer to him. “Are you alright?”

Minseok wanted to snort, laugh mockingly, reply with a snarky comment but he knew it would be better if he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want Luhan to mess with his insides and make him see how he actually was. So he just straightened his shoulders, took in a deep breath before answering a steady; “I’m fine”.

Luhan came to stand by his side, glancing at his face once before ahead. Minseok could see how the muscles of his jaw popped out as he gritted his teeth in what Minseok guessed to be some kind of irritation. Luhan’s face was far too stone-like for him to ever be sure.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Minseok could almost hear the answer coming from Luhan; _because I heard you scream last night_. Minseok knew Luhan knew. But it didn’t help him at all. He wasn’t even proud of where he’d been thrown in. He didn’t have a lie to cover up what happened to him every other night. And Minseok was sure Luhan knew that as well, and thus never asked what he seemed to want to ask.

Maybe it was just his fantasy, Minseok reasoned. Maybe neither Luhan nor Kris and his fiancé had heard him. But then again, more times than not the door would be forgotten open or at least a bit ajar, and Minseok shuddered how his screams must have traveled the silent corridors at the dead of the night.

They knew. All of them knew. But they never asked, never interfered, never questioned.

Yet, they still knew.

They were the last of his hope, the little form of hero he was in need of, but they never came for him.

Minseok felt a lump in his throat and was quick to excuse himself with a husky voice. He heard Luhan’s surprise as he fled the garden but he ignored it. He was so ashamed of himself that he just wanted this month to pass and the wedding to take place. And then, he’d be left to his fortune alone.

He’d much prefer that than having everyone, but no one at the same time.

***

The next morning he woke up, he felt even worse.

Jitae had come back home drunk again, so much intoxicated, and he was angry as well. From what Minseok managed to figure out, he’d lost a small fortune on a few games of poker. It was Minseok who paid the bills as if it was his fault. And this morning, he noted how the door had been forgotten ajar once again. It did nothing in making him feel better.

There was this servant again, trying to bring him back to reality from his sleep, trying to cover the bruises and tend for the wounds, trying to make him feel better. But it did little to help Minseok, and he knew the servant was aware of her actions being futile. It wouldn’t help heal his insides, nothing would ever do.

By now, he’d even learned the name of the servant, and would often bid her farewell using it. But never a greeting. He was always too tired, covered by the blankets and crying his misery away when she’d come in and take care of him. He hadn’t really expressed his gratitude yet, and he wasn’t sure if she was doing it on her own or if she did it because her master would be in need of a new canvas by the fall of night.

Whatever it was, it was nice to have someone help him out with the aftermath. It made the loneliness disappear for an hour or so.

“Sir, mr Luhan gave me this for you,” Sohyun hesitantly revealed a small box from the inside of her pants’ pocket.

Minseok slowly frowned and with caution took it in his hand, thanking her lowly.

“I wish you a good day, sir,” Sohyun bowed deep for him and Minseok nodded his head. He waited for a couple seconds until the servant was gone and the door was closed before opening the small box.

A gasp fell from his lips as he found a small pendant of a black rose lying in between the curls of white gold chain. He could recognize such expensive jewelry and he was sure the rock was of black onyx, parted and covered in white gold lines to form each of a rose’s petals.

He didn’t like it.

If there was something he’d learned through his life was that expensive gifts never came from the bottom of the heart. They always hid a hint of intention or emotion, manipulation, and Minseok was not fond of that when he was married and Luhan was also his husband’s son. Gold didn’t come cheap, and a custom work was twice as costly. He wasn’t even sure of Luhan’s motives at this moment.

This whole ordeal made him stand from the bed, pain surging from the underside of his feet to his nape, and he hissed lightly. He quickly threw some clothes over himself and walked out of the room with sore steps. He should have just stayed in bed, maybe hope of death, until he had healed at least a bit. But his mind was elsewhere right now.

The stairs turned out to be a challenge and when he finally managed to reach the ground floor, he looked around for Luhan. At this hour, he should still be somewhere nearby. After checking the living room and finding no one, he headed for the back garden out of instinct. There, as he expected, he found Luhan staring at the small stems that had started peaking up from the soil. Before the elder could notice his presence, Minseok threw the pendant amongst the garden, right next to one of the seeds he’d planted a couple weeks ago.

“Wha—“ Luhan started but when he looked at Minseok, he found him steaming of anger.

“I don’t need any gifts from you, Luhan,” he hissed and Luhan gaped for a second there, lost. “Don’t spend money on me when we’re nothing but strangers.”

“I thought you’d like it.”

“Well,” Minseok glared at the pendant and then back at Luhan. “I don’t.”

He didn’t want to admit to himself that he lied, because he did like it, the pendant, the thought, the fact it was Luhan’s gift. But he also knew he was in no position to accept a gift from him when he was married to his father. The less interactions between them, the better it’d be for both of them, the less trouble they’d face, the less problems it’d cause.

So he walked away with a confident pace although his insides broke and he had to force himself inside the residence before he shot back and grabbed the pendant again.

Luhan only bent to get it off the ground, dusting the soil away from the stone and letting a sigh into the weak wind. Then, he pocketed the jewelry in hopes of giving it to Minseok again sometime in the future. He didn’t want to accept defeat when he always got what he wanted.

Maybe a childish way of thinking, but Luhan was far from giving up yet.

***

It’s easy to stoop so low that you start feeling pity for yourself and the sickness is too strong because someone else out there has it better.

Minseok started to feel this jealousy whenever he saw Kris with his fiancée. The smiles, the light caresses, the once in a while kisses they’d share when they thought no one would notice. How she radiated happiness and Kris himself shined with proudness whenever they were standing by each other or in the same room. There was something in the way they’d look at each other that made Minseok envy them and their relationship.

It’d gotten to the point he’d just cry himself to sleep because he pitied himself and the pit he’d been thrown in. At this point, he’d take walking into a cave with hungry bears over spending another night at this mansion. And as enticing at it was, he wasn’t even allowed outside the property.

One night the door banged a little too hard and Jitae staggered in heavily drunk. Minseok wiped the sleep from his eyes and let them adjust to the darkness and the hall’s weak light. The man’s appearance was all over the place, his hair flying in different directions and his clothes stained. Minseok slowly sat up, knowing that pretending to be asleep would not stop anything bad from happening. It’d just prolong it, and at this point, Minseok preferred to get over with it. The faster he faced his drunk husband, the faster he’d be able to sob himself to sleep.

“Jitae?” he asked softly and the man mumbled something in return, which Minseok didn’t pick up. “Are you drunk?”

“Who gave you the right to talk, whore?!” the man yelled back and Minseok squirmed a bit in his spot. Subconsciously, he tugged the blankets over himself to cover his body a little more than what they already did. “Always talking when no one asked you to,” Jitae ranted as he slowly and carefully made his way to the bed, door once again forgotten and Minseok felt sweat drops run down his temples. Once again, the door inviting everyone in and at the same time no one, sharing what was about to happen with all the rest residents staying at the mansion.

Down the hall, his screams would echo again and Minseok started trembling. He felt over-exposed and although he should have gotten used to being heard loudly hurting, it never made it any easier to face any of the servants or their visitors in the face the following morning. Especially when his eyes would be red from crying and his neck would be painted in purple from the chocking tendencies Jitae often placed upon his skin.

His heart beat fast, so much so Minseok was hopeful for a second that he’d collapse from a heart attack. But even that would be great luck, and Minseok had anything but that.

His yells carried out the room, traveling along with the sound of cloth being shred to pieces and skin slapping against skin. The silence made everything louder and a couple doors down the corridor, Luhan’s eyes were widely staring at the ceiling. Chills ran down his back with every pained scream that reached his room, a feeling of nausea stomping down his stomach with every cry for mercy. Luhan gritted his teeth, turning to his side and his eyes piercing the wall in hatred.

There’d been more nights than he’d like where he would lie and toss in his bed this late, and the sounds from his father’s bedroom would reach him. And he would never be able to get used to hearing it. Only the hate for his father rose in his chest with every passing second, and his hands would form fists that would be too weak at that point of time.

He always had half-heart of running down the hall and barging into the room to stop everything. And the other half was afraid of what he’d witness. He’d seen the small bruises here and there scattered on Minseok’s skin even when he tried very well to hide them. But Luhan had seen them on his neck, on his wrists, and even if he had seen so little, he knew there were more. He was only left to wonder just how horrible must it be on the rest of his body.

It was disgusting, to be related to a man this sick.

Luhan pitied Minseok, and he was sure Kris did as well. They were aware of what their father did—he always did the same things to every marriage he’d gone through. Luhan still remembered how the body of his previous wife was found hanging from the chandelier in the spare ball room. It was about three years ago that Luhan had come from his university for a visit that he was welcomed by police cars and an ambulance parked in front of his childhood home. Policemen were scattered everywhere, paramedics putting a dark bag in the ambulance which contained the woman’s body.

It was a welcoming sight, indeed.

A door hitting the threshold made him snap back from his thoughts and he stained to hear. Troubled footsteps echoed down the hall, past his room’s door and continued on. He listened to the faint mumbling and swearing of his father’s as he walked down the stairs before drowning the whole floor in silence. He was quick to stand and exit his room.

He walked down towards his father’s bedroom, finding the door so worn from the frequent forceful hits it’d received over the years, slightly ajar. Pushing it in, the hall’s light lit the bedroom slowly and Luhan’s hand froze as soon as it lit Minseok’s form on the bed.

Minseok was a mess— that much was obvious to Luhan. Upon seeing him, Minseok was fast to scoot into the farthest corner of the bed, trying to cover himself with a stained sheet. Luhan approach some and Minseok hissed him not to.

“It’s alright, Minseok,” Luhan tried as he stretched a hand out for him. Minseok’s eyes were shining from tears, his voice husky from sobbing and his naked form seemed so small, so thin and weak. “He’s gone.”

“But for how long…?”

Luhan’s insides cracked and he just pulled the other in his embrace. He was slightly hurt when Minseok’s body tensed so much, but he hid him from the world nonetheless, under his arms and away from everything. And he sighed when Minseok slowly relaxed against him. He was afraid to look down at his body so he just kept staring ahead, out of the window, at the hills in the horizon.

And wished for everything to just… fix itself.

***

As the roses had started growing, Minseok had taken up the habit of hanging around in the garden every morning after Jitae left. He’d find himself sitting on the bench placed close to the fountain, and gaze at the small flowers that had started growing, their stems getting longer and taller by the days.

Minseok anticipated for when they would bloom, and if they actually would. He was sure it was only Luhan who would take care of them, having disallowed any of the servants to mess with them. Luhan treated those flowers so gently, so carefully, so lovingly. It made Minseok stop and stare a lot of times when he’d pass a wide window and find Luhan gazing down at them, watering them and checking their leaves. It was during those times Minseok would see anticipation, fondness in his eyes. And he would find himself frozen, because Luhan was such a warm person, yet kept a mask on and was wrapped in a cocoon of strict and expressionless forced masculinity.

Luhan looked like he was thrown into adulthood far earlier than planned, much harsher. He could only assume what had happened to a man like him to turn into a daily actor of sorts. And at the same time, after having met his father, Minseok was afraid he was behind everything bad under this roof.

Luhan’s expression would go back to stoned whenever he stepped away from the roses, and Minseok had witnessed him a lot of times changing it before walking into the mansion. It seemed like both of them found gardens as relaxing. Minseok munched on his lower lip, eyeing Luhan as he headed for the entrance, and slowly disappeared like a ghost away from the window, and down the corridor.

Roses were growing, and they would bloom, and Minseok wasn’t sure what would happen after that.

He was scared to find out.

***

“They’re growing well, aren’t they?”

Minseok could sense the proudness in Luhan’s voice, and to his surprise, when he startled and looked back at him, he found a smile on his face.

“Yes, they are,” Minseok agreed, his eyes falling back on the stems. They were probably around a good fifteen centimeters tall now, and the leaves were already big and dirty green. “When will they bloom?”

Luhan shrugged, sitting on the bench next to Minseok, eyeing him from the side. “I can’t know for sure.”

Minseok hummed in response, leaning back and enjoying the silence. Ever since Minseok started to wander in the garden every morning, Luhan started to trail after him, and it’s been a couple days now that they’d been having these short innocent rendezvous in the middle of the garden. It’d started uncomfortably, but they slowly got used to the presence of each other, and Minseok could finally let himself relax when he saw how Luhan showed his true colors.

Luhan was handsome, that much Minseok knew already. However, when he smiled, and when his eyes gazed softly at him, it gave him another kind of beauty that left Minseok breathless. He’d find himself glancing his way as they sat side by side, in interest, in fascination, his eyes unable to pull from the beauty until Luhan would catch him staring. But Minseok would look away, act like he wasn’t looking, missing the small smile that’d tug on Luhan’s lips.

Minseok would find his sleeve amusing to say the least, when Luhan would catch him staring. But he’d act like he wasn’t, that childish he was. Yet, the blush would be still creeping up his cheeks.

“Minseok?” asked Luhan one noon while they sat at the same bench they used to sit. Minseok wasn’t sure why the atmosphere changed so suddenly from careless to serious, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.

“Hmm?” he hummed, stealing a glance at Luhan, who he found to be staring ahead. He looked almost lost in the empty space in front of him. “What is it?”

“Have you ever thought of starting over?”

“Start what over?”

“Your life?” Luhan now was staring at him and Minseok slowly looked up at him, almost cowering from the unsaid words circling Luhan’s eyes.

“Not really,” he lied and Luhan bit on his lip.

“Shame. Because I have, and it was magical.”

“I don’t understand where you’re going with this,” Minseok mumbled honestly and Luhan shrugged his shoulders, eyes falling on the stems of the black roses.

“I want to leave, soon too. I’ve been waiting for far too long, and now I think I have a reason to actually go ahead and leave. And never come back.” Luhan then looked at him, a weak smile on his lips. “I would like to take you with me. Wherever we go, we can go together.”

Minseok gulped shocked under his strong eyes, suddenly lost and voiceless. He didn’t know what to say, how he was supposed to reply and what to do. This was something unexpected and he hadn’t fore-seen he’d ever be in this place, talking about running away with his husband’s son.

“Just say the words and I’ll have everything planned till nightfall.”

“Mister Minseok?” Minseok startled at the voice of the servant standing a couple meters away from them, bowing at them as greeting. Minseok felt a rock fall in his stomach in fear the servant had overheard them, but the young man’s face was soft as always. “Master Jitae’s arrived and is asking of you.”

Minseok only sent a glance at Luhan, who almost stretched his hand to grab onto his arm. But stopping mid-way, he only looked up with some kind of fear in his eyes. Minseok tried to coax himself that Luhan would be back to his stoic expression, that this was nothing that actually affected him. Luhan was a great actor anyway.

So Minseok ignored him and walked after the servant after excusing himself. Jitae was waiting, and God forbid if he took longer than he expected. Apparently, Jitae had come earlier to take him out himself. It was in the backseat of the car Minseok was told they were going to pay a visit to Jitae’s personal designer to get a suit that’d fit perfectly on him for Kris’ wedding that’d take place in two days.

Minseok was left alone with the tailor in a room and the anxiety started rising because he didn’t, really didn’t want to strip down in front of him. So he convinced him to take the measurements as they were and they’d go from there. The tailor was not content but went with it. He came back with a suit his size and offered it, only for Minseok to freeze at its sight.

“Could I change alone?”

The tailor was too annoyed to argue so he just dumped the suit in his hands and walked out of the door, leaving him alone to change. It took three tall and wide mirrors to make Minseok choke on his tears as he stripped.

There were the bruises staring back at him angrily, almost mockingly. The room was well-lit, and Minseok could catch even the smallest, slightest discoloration on his skin. There was all of the marks he’d avoid because last thing he wanted was to be reminded where he was and how he lived and what Jitae did to him.

The tailor didn’t ask why he was sobbing. If anything, he was frustrated because he couldn’t focus with Minseok crying. He did his work, though, and Minseok was sent out, back in his own clothes and with red eyes. Jitae didn’t ask anything, he only guided him to the car, talking about the marriage and where it’d take place, and that Minseok would have to act perfectly, look stunningly and keep his mouth shut.

Minseok really didn’t want to go.

He was tired of the pretense and the mask.

However, the event took place and the whole ballroom was beautiful, taking place at the mansion of the in-laws. The whole property was breath-taking, much like Jitae’s, and Minseok was sure they were both pretty successful names in the country.

Jitae’s arm was wrapped around his waist, Kris and his now wife were standing somewhere afar, and Minseok couldn’t look away from the way they lit up the whole room with their happiness. All the while he stood there, acting pretty and silenced. Jitae spoke with the in-laws, business and future plans, and Minseok couldn’t but feel out of place.

It was sometime during the next hour Luhan came by with his arm wrapped around a beautiful lady. Her smile was bright and she beamed with beauty as she stood by his side, almost fluttered to be standing so close to him. Minseok couldn’t but look away from her and Luhan as he talked with both his father and his brother’s in-laws.

“After Kris, I’m sure you’ll be following suit in getting married,” mr Kim, Kris’ in-law, said. “It’s better earlier than later.”

Minseok could almost feel how Luhan’s nerves heightened. But he kept his stoic expression, barely showing a small smile. “I still have too many plans ahead so it’ll be in the distant future.”

“He’ll be getting married soon, Kim,” Jitae nodded, his arm tightening some around Minseok’s waist. The lady’s eyes fluttered up at Luhan, a look of innocence and slight surprise in them. “He’ll have to, eventually. As a Ryon son, he should be able to follow my footsteps.”

It was then Minseok leaned in to whisper in Jitae’s ear, a small please and blinked his eyes innocently. And the arm let him go, so Minseok quickly excused himself and walked out of the ballroom.

He wasn’t in the mood to listen further. In fact, he wasn’t in the mood for any of this, so he only walked fast down the halls and threw the double doors open leading to the well-kept garden of the mansion. It spread long and wide, Minseok guessed more than their own, and he let a groan of frustration into the silence. As if the flowers and the bushes and all those trees were to blame for everything. For how Kris and his, now, wife had gotten their happy ending, how Luhan would as well, and how he would be stuck in the same pit for the rest of his life. Until he died.

Or until Jitae died.

There to stay, and the anger that had been pooling inside was about to burst. He wanted to pull his hair out of his head but instead, his knees felt weak and he collapsed on the ground. He wanted to let everything out, scream his guts out, cry his misery away. But only one lonely tear slid down his cheek, which he also quickly wiped it away when he heard his name being called. He was fast on his feet, dusting off the fabric of his suit to act busy.

“Are you alright?” Luhan asked, approaching him and glancing at his face.

“I’m fine,” Minseok replied, his tone a little harsher than what he intended it to be. “You should go inside.”

Minseok walked away but he felt Luhan grip on his arm, pulling him back, and when he looked back, he found worry and sadness written across his face.

“Stop this. You’re not fine.”

“And what will being truthful change, Luhan?” Minseok snapped, a frown on his face despite the hurtful expression Luhan showed at his words. “Maybe this lie is what keeps me going, this façade I have to keep up, this pretense. Don’t take that away from me—It’s all I have!”

Luhan did it.

He leaned in and clashed their lips together into a chaste, yet somewhat forceful kiss. That was enough to let Minseok’s tears free, sliding down his cheeks so fast and falling into the abyss. Minseok gasped with an unsteady breath, his arms trembled just the slightest as Luhan caressed his cheek ever so gently and urged his tongue into his mouth.

He kissed him and that made Minseok yearn more because it was so sweet, held so much emotion. Fireworks blew up in his mind at the thought that this was so much different, so much better than any kiss he’d ever experienced. He let himself drown in the feeling, forgetting everything that had ever bothered him.

His life, his marriage, his husband, his whole situation, the abuse.

He chose to forget everything, for the minute of pure bliss. Luhan was there to help him erase everything, and Minseok was more than willing, because his cheeks had a deep pink hue and a wide smile stretched on his swollen lips. And as he looked into Luhan’s eyes, he found the warmest intentions, the gentlest feelings, the greatest affections hidden in them.

Reserved for no one but him.


	3. Wither

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the ending, so it might seem awkward to read. But I can't write much to stick it nicely so sorry

It’s known that lies live very short lives. They are like birds that fly way too high through a thunderstorm, barely escaping hits of reality to bring them down. Lies have short wings, and can fly so much before they are caught.

It’s the feeling of paranoia that had started drowning Minseok with every passing day. Kris and his newly crowned wife had left, Jitae sending them off with his best wishes. Luhan, however, had extended his stay and it was just the three of them left, and the servants. The silence had filled the mansion again, and Minseok had forgotten how it felt after a month of feeling watched and as if he had to keep a mask on the whole time he was outside his and Jitae’s bedroom. It was refreshing, to say the least.

However, Minseok tried to minimize his interactions with Luhan. In this mansion, the walls had ears, and despite it looking quiet and private, there were still workers roaming about. It was the couple hours at morning that they’d meet in the garden by the growing black roses. It’d become a part of routine that Minseok looked forward to. Because apart from those two hours, Minseok avoided Luhan in fear of being suspected.

Luhan tried persuading him that no one actually paid attention to them, but Minseok had eyes, and he’d seen the glances servants would send their ways whenever they’d see them together. It didn’t take an idiot, and a wrong move could reach Jitae’s ears, and god forbid Minseok’s skin then.

Luhan also tried persuading him to escape and go far away—together. But Minseok did not agree, even if Luhan could see he was clearly tempted by the proposal. So, Luhan promised him he’d put an end to everything. Minseok only smiled it off, knowing it was yet another empty promise whose only purpose was to give him another reason to hope.

It was one early morning when Minseok slipped past the back door and stepped on the patio, when he also heard Luhan call his name. With a fast blur, Luhan tugged him along by the wrist. Everything happened so fast and Minseok suddenly found his back against the wooden side of the small storage room that held all of the gardening tools. The darkness in there was deafening and despite it being the early of the day, barely any sunlight reached its insides through a small window placed way too high over his head.

Minseok could feel Luhan’s unsure breath ghost over his cheek and he sucked in a heavy gasp. It’s been days since they’d been this close and Minseok would be lying if he said he wasn’t giddy at such a small proximity. There were butterflies in his stomach and his eyes widened in the darkness when he felt Luhan leaning even closer.

It was chaste, soft, the kiss Luhan’s lips placed upon his. Gentle just like Luhan’s nature, yet heavy of all these words and promises he’d told, and it somehow overwhelmed Minseok. But he let Luhan’s hands on him, welcoming the hesitant touch. It was awkward because it was pure darkness, but when Luhan’s fingers found his skin, Minseok felt as if electrocution went through his whole body.

It was foreign, so forbidden and wrong that it made it right, and Minseok found himself melt under Luhan’s hands and accept a couple more just as gentle kisses.

And there was something romantic in this little getaway, something that slowly built a stable foundation of secret meetings and kisses stolen in the dark. Minseok knew it had the potential of becoming something great, maybe even the happy ending he’d always dreamed of. But he also feared that this paradise wouldn’t last, and that they were merely playing with their luck and fates.

And their fates were not meant to cross, as much Minseok dreamed otherwise at night, lying next to a presence he despised with all his might, but had become very fond of his son’s.

***

As much as Minseok had gotten used to the routine, there’d still be parts of it he loathed with his whole heart. Just when he thought he had a good reason to wake up the next morning, he would be reminded of what the night awaited, and as much time as he spent with Luhan during the hours the sun was up, nothing changed the end of the day.

Jitae would come, cause ruckus only by his presence alone, demand food and Minseok. Sometimes it ended fast—those were the times Minseok called himself lucky for. Sometimes it didn’t, and Minseok suffered for a couple hours on hold. Sometimes Jitae would come in angry, and god forbid he had lost yet another fortune on poker matches. Sometimes he would come back home drunk, looking for a fast fuck to put him to sleep. Some other times, he was neither, just in his right mind to cause the most extreme torture upon Minseok’s body just to please his ears with his screams.

And half of those times, he’d leave to who knew where in the middle of the night, leaving a crying Minseok behind, never faltering his proud stance as he exited the mansion.

Those were also the nights Luhan would take Sohyun’s, the female servant’s, place. He would be the one to find Minseok on the edge of his sanity and calm him back to reality. He would hold his wrists away from his body, where his nails would scratch on his skin as if he wanted to tear the organ from his body. As if he wanted to remove what hurt him the most, and all of the traces.

But Luhan would rock him to quietness, back and forth from dreamland and he would wipe the tears away from his face all the while keeping his eyes away from the buttered skin. He didn’t want to know what was written all over it, and he knew that Minseok appreciate him not looking.

It was hard to watch him like this every other night, especially when they both knew Luhan was good for nothing. He never came to save Minseok before everything started, he would only show up after Minseok was hurt. And as much as he loved the way Minseok would calm down the second he hid him in his embrace, he knew he loathed him for not taking action. He was only a spectator to a tragedy, first seat too.

But Minseok would still smile at him in the morning, and talk to him as much as he did. Even if it was mainly simple conversations, Luhan cherished the sound of his soft voice. And maybe he’d be able to steal a kiss here and there. Maybe also touch him for a couple seconds more, if he was lucky.

However, before morning broke, Luhan would have calmed Minseok down and put him to sleep, promising to meet him in the garden at the break of the day.

Luhan would always promise him that everything would come to an end, but he could see that Minseok never believed him.

***

The forbidden kisses in the storage room every other day was the highlight in Minseok’s life. They were short-lived, fast. They were barely touching, yet it still made Minseok giddy because Luhan’s eyes would scream so much he couldn’t express in that short alone time they were allowed. It was those emotions that made Minseok anxious, self-conscious, wondering if he was really seeing it or it was his imagination.

So when Luhan sneaked into the bedroom, at the break of dawn and just after Minseok heard Jitae’s car take off, he was startled awake. Luhan was so quiet that Minseok only noticed him when he heard the lock pulled on the door. Out of habit, Minseok pulled the covers over his body, something he’d picked up from the nights Jitae would enter the room drunk.

“What are you doing here?” Minseok whispered, eyes wide as Luhan approached the king-sized bed with a smile. One that could melt the heaviest of winters.

“I got tired of the gardening storage.” Minseok’s eyes followed as he came to his side of the bed and sat down on it, turning his body towards him. “I want to see whether you blush when I kiss you.”

Minseok’s eyes only widened more and he pulled more on the covers to hide his face. He flushed, feeling flustered and hot. “Wh-What?”

“Here,” Luhan pulled a little something from his jacket’s front pocket, presenting the same rose pendant Minseok had refused a month ago. “I hope you’ll accept it now that we’re not just strangers anymore.”

Minseok bit on his lip, trembling fingers stretching out to touch the jewelry in his palm. Then, a small smile tugged on his lips. “I guess we’re not” Luhan clasped their hands together, the pendant between their hands as he leaned close and kissed him. It wasn’t innocent, or fast like always. It wasn’t full of want, it was full of need, and Minseok’s gasp was enough to encourage Luhan to deepen it even more. Yet, under all of that need, there was still this gentleness that screamed Luhan and sent off fireworks behind Minseok’s eyelashes.

It was after Luhan placed the pendant on the nightstand and hovered on him that Minseok felt a chill run down his spine.

“Wait, no.” He pushed the wandering hands off his body, momentarily shocked.

Luhan was fast to pull back, eyes wide in worry and trying to study his face with a small whisper of “What’s wrong?”. Minseok could almost hear the apology hinted in his question, which made him kiss him in reassurance that it wasn’t his fault.

“It’s not you,” he started, but he had no idea how to say everything he wanted. Luhan was perfect, so perfect in fact he doubted he deserved him or any of his attention. He was nothing but a manwhore, abused, stigmatized and dirty. There was nothing good to come out of this, and his tears slowly slid down his cheeks, so silently. It’d be perfect, yes. Minseok wanted to just run away from all of his responsibilities and live somewhere far, far away from here—with Luhan, of course. Somewhere out of the commoners’ eyes, somewhere isolated from the entire stigma; away from pain and suffering. Where he’d be able to enjoy his life with a man who actually loved him—and he loved back.

Somewhere where his actions would not have consequences.

“This shouldn’t happen.”

“It’s alright,” Luhan cooed, wiping the stray tears from his face, kissing some new ones away. “It’s not like I’ll force you into this.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Minseok whimpered and he could feel his body shake. He choked on his tears, and even more so when Luhan worriedly tried to calm him down. His body was too imperfect, too stained, too colored for Luhan—or anyone—to see. It was covered in all that proof of what he’d been through, and it even made Minseok sick to see them in the bathroom mirror before and after his bath. They were disgusting, he was—“I’m disgusting.”

Luhan was shocked for a short second before he shook his head and quickly kissed his lips. “No, of course you’re not, Minseok. What nonsense are you talking!”

There was something in Luhan’s desperate kisses that Minseok’s mind came to a freeze and he was engulfed in the feelings. His heart raced so fast, but this time he didn’t pull away. Instead, he let himself drown in the intoxication and allowed Luhan’s hands to touch him, leaving traces of chills behind them. And when the first article of clothing fell off his body, Minseok dug his nails into his stomach because he hated all of him.

“Stop it.”

Minseok flinched at Luhan’s tone and stopped moving. He felt a hand caress the side of his face. Minseok could see the pain in Luhan’s eyes, and how much he tried to hold curses and swear words back. It made his whole body tremble of being exposed, and he’d never felt this self-conscious before.

“It’s okay.” It was a forced gentle voice, that of Luhan’s. Minseok could notice how angry Luhan actually was at the spots tainting his white skin. “Everything’s alright now.”

“I’m here for you.”

Luhan pulled his hands in one of his, away from where he could harm himself. Minseok didn’t fight the next kiss and let Luhan take advantage of that. Luhan had an effect on him, one that Minseok loved but hated at the same time.

He knew he ought to not do this, but Luhan’s gentle touch made him forget.

It was a strange feeling; that of being taken cared of and loved.

***

Minseok was lost in a dark forest when he heard muffled voices echoing around him. He tried to make them out, but they said nothing, they were just struggling sounds. He walked around, touching each tree’s bark, blindly guiding himself in this moon-less night. The moss was picking up at his bare feet and he could feel the soil tug lightly on his soles and letting go, as if the Earth itself was breathing beneath his footing.

The muffled voices started becoming lower and lower, as if they were absorbed by something, as if they were trapped somewhere for only Minseok to find and release. There was another voice, an angry one, the tone and it’s huskiness reminding him of Luhan’s. But he had never heard Luhan talking so deeply mad, almost evil. Minseok couldn’t make out the words, but some syllables gave hints of ill threats and swear words.

He stumbled on his feet, falling face first on the black moist moss on the forest’s ground. His body felt heavy, but he managed to look up, and there, in front of him was the prettiest rose he’d ever seen. The color was an angry scarlet and before Minseok could take in its beauty, drips of black started running down its petals, painting the path they left behind. The rose changed color in mere seconds, and once it was completely black, matching that of its surroundings, it started withering just as fast.

Minseok voiced a whimper at the sight, not pleased at all with the dying flower, but then he felt the moss slowly slide up his body, trapping him. He tried to escape, but it held him down against the ground. Then, two thick strings of it jerked him into the ground by his shoulders.

Minseok gasped to find hands clasped on his shoulders. In the darkness, he couldn’t see much, so his hands grabbed on the ones on him, ready to pry them off as soon as his sober strength came back from dreamland.

“It’s okay, it’s me,” was Luhan’s reassuring voice and Minseok looked up, eyes finally focusing on his face centimeters away. “Stand up, we’re leaving.” Without wasting any time, Luhan quickly unwrapped him from the blankets and pulled him out of bed. It was then that Minseok took in his surroundings and gasped at the pillow over Jitae’s face. Realization came down on him and he jerked his hand away from Luhan’s grip, ready to run to his husband’s side.

“Minseok, come on.”

“Did you kill him?!” Minseok’s voice was high, almost a scream as panic hit him fast. Jitae’s body was unmoving, and he couldn’t really see if he was still breathing or not.

“No, of course not!” Then, Luhan grabbed on Minseok, pulling him close and forcing him to face him. “He’s just unconscious, calm down.” When that didn’t work, he bit on his inner cheek. “Listen, we have time to leave. A car is waiting outside, we’re leaving.”

“It’s final.”

Minseok whimpered once more, tears streaming down his round cheeks because this was not ideal. As much as Jitae deserved this and much more for doing all those horrible things, Minseok refused to leave him unconscious for a servant to find. What if the blame would be put on him? He was the weak link in this household, the outsider, the one with the reasons behind this. He was as good as dead at this point.

But Luhan didn’t listen to his words, didn’t falter at his jerking. He just pulled him out of the room and eventually out of the mansion. True to Luhan’s words, there was a car parked at the front and Luhan was fast to throw him in it. Minseok was a wreck by the time Luhan sat in the driver’s seat, trembling and mumbling and crying. Luhan just pulled him over, kissing his temple and promising that everything would be alright.

“He’s your father, Luhan,” he said but the other male just shook his head.

“Sharing blood won’t make me label him innocent.”

“It’s alright.”

“Kris is waiting for us.”

“He’s arranged everything, he’s in this as well.”

The last glance Minseok threw at the front door of the mansion, he saw Sohyun standing there, most likely woken up by the noise. That meant that everyone had heard them. Which made little in calming him down.

“So, tell me,” Luhan started a half hour or so in the ride, when Minseok had already stopped crying and was spaced out with his eyes ahead on the road. “Have you ever been to China?”


End file.
